If it's still Friday night and you're reading this........

......if it's still Friday night and you're reading this, then you are either A. Married or B. A huge loser. Seriously, if you're a single guy and you're sitting around trying to catch a glimpse of any preaseason game and that makes you feel warm and fuzzy, do yourself a favor, open a window, put your dick in it and have your best friend slam it. You don't need it anymore.

If you're married, that's a different story. I plopped my fat rear end in my chair, Little Ceasars box to my left, Busch Light to my right....ate the whole thing in 10 minutes while watching Phillys announcers cream themselves over Kevin Kolb. Now THAT is the life. All you single dudes, yes, life can really be that great, all you have to do is put a ring on it. Then you too can experience the NFL preaseason in it's entirety, and never feel guilty. If you're thinking about getting married anytime soon, just watch one of these sad state of affairs and realize that's what you have to look forward to every August for the rest of your life. You might as well learn to love it......your wife will be harder to get into than a Pearl Jam concert.

Both the Vikings and Packers play their first exhibition games tommorow. I'm sure Bitterborderbattle Nation is getting excited. Let the overreactions begin. If either team looks shaky, opposing fans will be out in full force to comment on it. And if either team looks good, that teams fans will be more excited than a Catholic Priest at a Justin Bieber concert.

All I know is where I'll be............watching my team take its first step to get a ring on it.